Tonight marks one year that I have been a participant in that weight loss study. The group is slightly smaller; we lost about four people since that first meeting and there were a few missing members due to sickness and scheduling conflicts but it was good to see everyone who showed up in real life and get caught up with our group leaders.
Tonight’s meeting was all about motivation and how to stay on track when you really don’t feel like it and boy did I need it. I almost didn’t go to the meeting tonight; I’ve been struggling a lot since the holidays and the extra pounds I gained showed it. I have not been counting calories, tracking my food intake or exercising regularly and I struggled with feelings of shame and regret. My thinking has been a bit skewed; instead of allowing myself to think that while I may have I messed up during one meal and that I could recoup at the next, I begin to tell myself that the day was ruined and that I would start again the next day, on Monday, the beginning of the next month.
Listening to a few other participants sharing similar stories confirmed that I was not alone in this struggle. Since some of the participants are experiencing the same struggles it really helped lessen the shame and disappointment. The participants who are successful also had some struggles but seeing their success let me know that my destiny is not to remain fluffy and that I can shed these extra pounds and get back to working on my fitness.
Thoughts from the meeting
Balance is key. My MO is to jump deeply into something, let it consume me and then get overwhelmed and quit. When we started the study, a new skill or behavior was introduced to us and we would have a week to practice and then build upon that skill. This allowed for time to adjust the new skills and integrate into daily living. Since the work This change is a lifestyle not some fad so I need to figure out a way to incorporate these new habits into my life as it is and not the life I keep thinking that I should have to lead the life I want (confusing, right?!).
Instead of all or nothing I need to re-introduce the positive behaviors and habits into my life and make a conscious effort to work on the removing the bad habits.
History does not have to repeat itself. In the past I would give up on my goals because I had a slip up. That one meal I screwed up on would turn into extra snacking and eventually I would be up to my nose in a container of ice cream. Or I would promise to hit the gym a certain amount of times per week and when I failed to get there less than my goal, I would lose my sneakers. This would lead me to engage in the familiar game of “Rachee is Bad” which is an uncomfortable bout of me beating myself up because I slipped up. The negative talk starts to bang about in my head because I have to let the world know that I am worthless. Worthless, you know because those extra pounds, that out of control eating and the fact that I like the couch more than the track is something I should be over an and if *I* abuse myself, they (the ubiquitous they) would know that I already know I am not worthy so they would not have to do any of the abuse.
Dude. It’s busy in my head.
Instead of this dysfunctional cycle I can celebrate those small victories and know that they build up into huge victories and changes. Didn’t make it to the gym four times as promised but did manage twice…yes! Smashed through a bag of chips but ate salad and reached my water intake goal…reset and realize that that bag is gone and that I can move on.
This is a commitment to my health. This journey is not something that I will one day be done and won’t have to think about ever again. Weight loss, nutrition and fitness is just something that I do and will do and instead of looking at this as a being a burden it will be a gift to myself and my family. After watching my grandmother’s declining health I struggle with a positive attitude towards growing old and my plans for life after 60. Taking care of myself NOW means that I can take of myself when I get older.
So, how do I get my motivation back on track?
Well…goals. (Negative Talk Rachee is all, “Been there done that!” and Old Way of Thinking Rachee is meekly saying, “Yes, but…” while Yes She Can Rachee is all, Shia La Bouf “You can DO IT” (I told you it’s busy in my head).
So, Mid April Goals. Small steps to rebuild the momentum I had when I first started.
- Resume running in the morning. Daylight Savings Time and it being dark until like 7am meant that I stayed in bed until the last possible moment before I was late for work. I like running in the morning and getting my workout done before the day started but need to get back into the habit.
To reach this goal I will gobed. So this means no more staying up to 1 or 2 in the morning (so long Netflix binging). I will also be setting the alarm and getting up when it goes off in the am instead of hitting snooze eleventy billion times before I start scrolling through Facebook for an hour and then dashing off to work.
- Engage in a healthy workout challenge with some friends. More on this later but know that yarn (he good stuff!) is on the line!
- Consume three liters of water a day. I liked the way my skin looked when I was drinking more water and I found that I didn’t exactly need so much as want my daily cuppa (I mean, I still love my cuppa but instead of needing it to start my day I could just savor the cup.)
- Record my meals. When I was recording, I saw results. Even when I went over my calorie count it still wasn’t so bad and I could adjust.
During the meeting, we also talked about rewards and I decided to go along with a suggestion from one of my group members…a new tube of Mary Kay Firecracker Red lipstick and a trip to the threading place (cause my eyebrows are crazy!).
These rewards are something look forward to and bonus, they are not food!
Here’s to getting back on track.
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