Makeover Mondays: No Apologies

My friend Pam told me that I am always apologizing. For everything, for things that weren’t my fault, for being. I nervously laughed because she is right. I am ALWAYS, always uttering the words Sorry for wrongs real or imagined and I hate it. So, last week I decided to keep track of all of the ways and reasons that I apologize.
Sheesh!

During the week I apologized
-to my cat for feeding her the cat food we had and not the one she likes that I have not been able to get to the store and get.
-to my mom for snapping at her over clothes I had borrowed but had not returned in a timely manner.
-to my kid for the attitude she had been giving me.
-to a student at my part time gig when a movie she was waiting for STILL had not been returned. She wanted to know who had it out, something I cannot disclose, but I still felt bad.
-to a daycare that was calling to arrange a visit. I had decided that I was not going to do group visits but still had a hard time telling the facility my rule. (I know right)
-for wanting to spend my evening off home and not running errands.
-for not having enough money to buy takeout when we had a fridge full of food.
-for telling a patron they couldn’t leave their underage kids unattended in the library even after I showed them the signage that clearly states the rules
-for giving a patron the forty minutes she is guaranteed on the computer and not the “extra’ time she needed
-to a few people who expressed problems, independent of ME, but I apologized none the less.

Whoa!

There are legitimate reasons for me to apologize but most of the time I find that I am jumping the gun, making peace and trying to be the good guy. Being sorry for who I am, what I want, my feelings and thoughts.

At the PowerUp Weekend, Uneeka Jay, the Power Mommy, kicked off the event with a motivating speech. She talked about “Before the Click” how and why she started to live life out loud. Uneeka’s mother was always saying “I’m going to_______________” or waiting for the right moment to do something and one day, unexpectedly, her mother died. At that moment, Uneeka realized that she didn’t want to be afraid to live and started a Click list.

She made us all DARE to live out loud.

D: Define.
You need to know where you are to  get to where you are going.
What works for you? How are you going to live?

A: Accept
No apologies. You need to set an accept your definition for yourself
Be comfortable with the definitions you set for yourself and realise that people may not understand this new role that you have for yourself.

R: Reveal.
Everyone doesn’t have to be privvy to your plans but you do need a few people to help keep you accountable. You have to put it out there in the universe.

E: Execute
Develop systems to implement the plan.

It was like Uneeka knew I needed to hear something to light a fire under me.
Was I living life out loud? I mean, I DID drive to Washington (I am still tripping on that!) but there was that “but.” Always waiting, always hesitation, always holding back. Despite the excitement and buzz I had initially generated for my store for yarnthings, yaRRns, I began to talk myself out of the idea. People actually wanted stuff! Instead of running with it I began to run away. Effin Guy chatted with me but I was still hesitant. He was able to talk me away from the ledge but I was still nervous. I reached out to some blogging friends, Pam and Janeane, who have been there to keep me on track. I am ready to want something better. Want and gain something better for me, The Bee, our lives.

My plan, well, you will know it all soon but keep in mind, there is no apologizing for the Rachee that is coming.

DARE and dream
-r

Makeover Monday is a new series that was born from ideas and lessons gained from the Power Up Weekend. Stay tuned as I take lessons learned from the weekend and revisit certain areas in my life.