ANTM: Hey Now! You’re An All Star!



photo credit



• Shannon from Cycle One (She wouldn’t pose nude)
• Camille from Cycle 2 (She was the one who said her walk was going to make her famous)
• Brittany from Cycle 4 (She was the one that wrote on her butt and flashed the judges)
• Lisa from Cycle 5 (She was the wild one or some other such thing. I remember her messing about with some false buck teeth and everyone was, to quote my mom, ‘assy’ with her)
• Bre, also from Cycle 5 (She was the one with the husky voice)
• Bianca from Cycle 8 (She was the one with the red weave that was then shaved bald. She also got into a fight with Tracey Turnblatt at an airport)
• Dominique from Cycle 10 (She was the girl with the, uh strong features who didn’t understand how her alarm clock worked)
• Isis from cycle 11 (She was going through gender reassignment and was having issues with her meds)
• Sheena, also from 11 (She was the one who used to be a stripper and had fake boobs)
• Alison from cycle 12 (She was the one with the weird eyes and was obsessed with blood)
• Laura from cycle 13 (She was the country gal from the cycle of petite models and who’s grandma made all of her clothes)
• Angelea from cycle 12 (She was the girl who got kicked off for fighting at the auditions for cycle 13 and did that stupid club walk on her cycle)
• Kayla from cycle 15 (She was the out and proud lesbian although there were many other proud and out lesbians but whatevs. She also had that Koolaid red hair)
• Alexandria from cycle 16. (Apparently she is/was a real bitch. The Bee and I didn’t have cable so I didn’t see this particular season.)

The show seemed to have started out like a less trashy episode of the Bad Girl’s Club: All of the models meeting up at the house and scoping out the competition. There was some cattiness about who didn’t know who and then a Jay showed up, told them to pick a bed and then told them to get their bags ’cause they had a photo shoot to do.

Much screaming and shrieking and the girls are going to be shot by someone in the back yard. Not much here (I know I probably missed some stuff as my mom and I were chatting about money stuff much to The Bee’s chagrin) although Bianca was bitching about a red weave that she needed to wear for her photos and Shannon bitched about the underwear she was to model in. At this point I really do believe that Shannon was arguing just for the sake of it. She doesn’t pose nude. She doesn’t wear underwear…yet she wore a bikini bottom that looked more like a pair of drawers than the lacy boxers she could have worn for her shoot. Even Jay looked disgusted and annoyed at the faux drama!

Some other stuff happens (Dill was over and when his dad came to pick him up there was some commotion about his shoes and the steak I was eating) and then the girls are going to do a runway walk/live judging which is hosted by the Jays. Total aside: I sure do miss Miss Jay on panel. I can’t stand that damn Andre Leon Talley and his dreckitude crap! Anywhoseit, the judges are Tyra (who looks so much like my cousin its spooky!), Nigel (who grew his hair….shudder!), Andre Leon Talley (cause you’ve just got to say his full name) and Nicki Minaj. Total aside again: I have heard of Nicki Minaj; I know she has pink hair and wears a Marie Antoinette wig. She was also sitting with Anna Wintour at a fashion show and my one neighbor LOVES Nicki Minaj and blasts her every time they cook out. But, gee whiz! Baby got back! The Bee helpfully informed me that Nicki has had a butt implant. Holy Hockey Mom! Nicki looks like the bottom half of one of Eddie Murphy’s fat suits!

So the judging begins. Each girl is sent down the runway to see the fans and to chat with the judges. Of course Brittany over does it, Camille does that walk (although with her legs I would walk like that too!) and when Alexandria walks down she is heckled and cussed at!  The judges go to deliberate, and the crowd is “polled”. The cynical part of me wonders just who and how did the crowd get polled cause it looked like the Jays were the only two polling the crowd of hundreds. Yes, I’m sure they have interns but whatevs.

The results are in and the girl going home is between Alexandria and Brittany.
Now, for them to judge Alexandria on how the crowd to react to her seems wrong when they had that pain in the ass Shannon up there with her nonsense about not wanting to pose in lace boxers. When mom voiced this The Bee said, Well you know Tyra is all about the drama” Indeed.
Brittany goes home because no one in the crowd reacted positively or negatively.

So random observations:
A lot of these girls are way past 25. Is it really fair to have them back KNOWING that the modeling industry is looking for a younger person?

Nicki Minaj knows her stuff! Klump booty and all, she knew what she was talking about.

Where are Joanie, Toccara, and Jade and Melrose for that reason? Those were some of my favorites.

The girls all said that they were getting work. Why are they back?

Also, This show has been on for a decade and the modeling contract is still only $100,000. While that is STILL a mice a amount of money, even I get a cost of living raise every year. How come these models don’t?

I know for the next few months on Wednesdays the stuff stops at 9PM so that mom, The Bee and I can watch Top Model. Who do you think will be on top? So far I (begrudgingly) like Dominique (she just had a baby TWO months ago!), Camille (those legs!), Kayla and Laura (I think she’s gorgeous although her accent is quite…grating)

Other ANTM sites:
The site that I got the picture from has some funny (to me anyway) plot points.
And TVgasm had me literally laughing out loud as they talked about the show.

Smizing,
-r

*The exclamation point is mine.