The Unbreakable Rachee #streamteam

Say it Rah-shay By Mar 09, 2015 2 Comments

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team. Netflix has provided me with products and services in exchange for participation in their Stream Team program.


 

Yes, I’m fangirling over the new Netflix original series The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. It takes a dark subject matter (being held against your will for most of your life) and spins the classic New Girl in town story into a rumpus ride with a plucky heroine.

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Watching it all day Friday and then again on Saturday (and maybe again while I was typing up this post) has made me think of some times in my life when I was almost at the point where I almost screamed, “ENOUGH! I QUIT” but pushed through, with varying degrees of success in that thing but feeling successful that I accomplished something.

There was the first summer reading program the first year I started as Youth Services Coordinator.

The theme was Get a Clue and I had did not have a clue or a clue of how to get a clue or even the faintest notion of where to get a clue (you get the picture). I had grand ideas, grand plan and a grand vision but instead I wound up barely keeping up and would spend the days rushing about like a lost soul and the evenings snapping at anyone who was close to me. Eventually I figured out that there was no race (see below) and that I was not in competition with anyone except for myself.

In hindsight I should have asked for more help but I was foolish enough to think that asking for help meant I was less than instead of recognizing that asking for help, even if I did not know what I wanted, was better than allowing myself to become frustrated almost to the point of quitting.

Realizing that I don’t have to compete with anyone other than me.

Don’t get me wrong (is anyone getting me wrong?), I still struggle with competing but in previous years I used to think the advice people would give me (“Don’t worry about their numbers.” “Don’t compare yourself to what that person is doing.”) was because they didn’t think I was capable of doing the job. Instead the people offering the advice KNEW I was could do the job and that I was up for the challenge. I realize that they were really telling me to give myself some time to learn what it was that I needed to do and then do things that worked for me in my role.

Library selfie

Blurry selfie of me and my library kids who were LITERALLY climbing on me to be in the picture.

 

 

The perfect Mom.

There is really no such animal and as I parent a teen I once again have to give thanks to my mom who raised two….at the same time. There are still times I marvel that I was allowed to leave the hospital with a human being. Each day there is something…am i doing the right thing? Is she going to be good person? Am I too nice? Too mean? Just why won’t she talk to me? And so on. Watching The Bee grow I realize that there is not right way to mom and she is a pretty well-adjusted kid. I mean, to be a Fagg woman.

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Divorce

If you had asked me about divorce I would have laughed like a loon and then laughed some more. I never thought that I would be getting a divorce let alone go through the mopey and whining drama that was my divorce but alas, there I was arguing and fighting and eventually splitting from The Dad. For the longest time I though that I was worthless (garbage even sort of like how the mole women were referred to by Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne). It took years of me running from my personal thoughts and eventually allowing myself some time to get to know me to realize that sure, I did some bad things but, I am not a bad person.

I know people get divorced and people go through stuff but I was devastated. I truly thought my world had ended and wanted to end along with it. I felt low and worthless and no matter what anyone told me I was convinced that I was…bad. Through the love of family, a good man and me forgiving myself I realize that I am not garbage.

Effin Guy

Mah Man. He doesn’t think I’m “GARBAGE!”

As the theme song says, “Women are strong as hell.”

Yup. We are.

Tell me…what are times in YOUR life when you thought you would break but didn’t?

 

 

 

 



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Author

I am mom, daughter, sister, yarn lover, word lover, crazy cat lady and library chick. Find me with book or with hook and a hot cuppa.

2 Comments

  1. Erica Voll says:

    SO Many times I thought I would break (Maybe I did? Came back) I think being a parent constantly tests us – you are strong as hell!

  2. I think everyone goes through those moments. The important thing is to move past them and not let them change who you are!

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