Or the absolutely true story that sounds like a total lie but is not.
So a few weeks ago we had a snowstorm and this thing,which totally sounds like a complete lie but is honest to goodness true, happened.
Sunday, December 8th, we had a snow day which found me leaving work early because the roads were a hot mess. I found myself wishing and hoping for the best as slowly, S-L-O-W-L-Y I made my way home and not into the back of someone’s car. Once I arrived home, I noticed that my neighbors had all shoveled and I felt some sort of neighborhood induced peer pressure to get out there and shovel too. I unlocked the door, entered the house and set my things down. For one moment I considered not shoveling but thought that since I was gifted extra time at home I should get it done. I grabbed the shovel and partially closed the door on my escaping cat. I thought of something I needed, went back into the house and left back pulling the door closed.
It should be noted that I when I first moved into my house I had the unfortunate habit of leaving my door unlocked. It took my brother-in-law coming over unannounced one and letting himself into the house making a typical BIL remark to make me realize that a little more diligence was in order so the habit of locking the bottom lock came to be. It should also be noted that at that moment when I put my things down and considered not shoveling but decided that I should, the things I set down were my phone and the set of car keys with my house key on it.
A few half-hearted tries at the door confirmed that I had indeed locked myself out so I shoveled and contemplated what I should do next. I got the brilliant idea to head to my sister’s house to call a locksmith and using the second set of car keys headed over. Surprisingly the streets in Philadelphia were clear.It wasn’t until I got to Upper Darby that I slipped and slid and got stuck. My wheels literally spun as got stuck on the icy hill outside of my sister’s house.
Dill, a few neighbors, my BIL and I worked with shovels, a rake (!) and a broom in an effort to get me unstuck. Several muscle achy inducing minutes later I was free and on my way.
I parked and headed to use my sister’s phone at which time I noticed that my shoes were flopping. Oh yes.In the midst of all of the shenanigans my boots, which were years old,decided that they were through and the soles flopped off.
I found the numbers of several locksmiths and called to see if I could get someone to come out. In my next life I am totally coming back as a locksmith because they were quoting some outrageous fees that even my cheap but will pay in an emergency self balked at.Once I realized that the price would indeed by a pound of flesh or my first-born, I got the rudest, most ignorant locksmith on the line. He hung up on me twice, yelled through the line and with each call the price of his service call increased from $55 to almost $200! The third company I spoke with gave me a 45 minute wait time and I headed home to wait.
Wait I did. FOr almost 90 minutes. Just when I was about to cry uncle a van slowly crept up the street and a man got out and said that he was the locksmith. He examined the lock and then went to his truck for supplies. He started to work and stopped to remind me that the price of the visit was the usury fee of $200. When I refused that price the guy stormed off to his truck. I followed him because I was thoroughly confused, and possibly delirious, to ask which company he was from. When he stated he was from the company I had cancelled, I thanked him, hopped into my car and headed back to y sister’s house.
When I arrived back, my BIL informed me that the company called to complain that I had left and that the technician was upset (ha!). During this time Effin Guy called and told me that he was on his way to my house and I told him what was happening, He offered to take me on a run to Home Dept (which had closed)and Lowe’s(also closed) and finally to Walmart for lock.
By this point my soles fell off of both boots, I couldn’t find my right glove and I realized that if I had stayed at work I would JUST be getting off and heading home in weather and on streets that were actually cleared.
To fast forward through the Walmart trio, my mini breakdown in women’s shoes, and diner food, Effin Guy generously offered his place to sleep for the night and to change my locks using a method that he looked up on YouTube.
The next day we headed to my house and without incident we opened the door. Aside: NONE of my neighbors came to investigate the very loud very public drilling of the lock on my door! I am totally a Gladys from Bewitched when anything is going on in my neighborhood but not a soul even peeked through the curtains!
Anywho, Effin Guy went to work on the lock…which did not fit. After a several minutes of trying to make it fit,lots of cussing and plenty of attitude, it was determined that the lock just did not fit. I went to change for work (which I never got to that day!) and he headed to a drugstore for a lock extension. Another several minutes later and Effin Guy had to make a SECOND trip to the hardware store for a total new set of locks. Lots more cussing,some sneezing, and a few cups of coffee later Effin Guy had changed my locks and things were peachy.
Normally I would be ready to give the locksmith company holy hell but a calmer Rachee has decided that I was being taught a lesson. Instead of flying off the handle and acting a fool I realized that there was a lesson to be learned:
Shoveling snow is for suckers and I shouldn’t leave work early.