I’m linking up with the blog Things I Can’t Say and I am pouring my heart out about the regrets I have for when I was too busy burying my head in the sand to see the people around.
“What’s she talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” you may be saying.
Check it:
Remember that time I wrote about attending BlogHer and how lonely and sad I was? That lonely and sad I wrote about was a lonely and sad that was almost physical. I was missing my having a partner that “got me” and that I could relax around. I was a bit out of sorts and overwhelmed with the sheer amount of people there and really felt like I was having some surreal out of body experience. When I did see friends I tried to keep it all kittens and sunshine because I was afraid if I let my guard down for even a moment I would be sobbing like, well like a big baby.
As I waited for the Mega Bus to get me the Hell out of New York, I almost began sobbing like a big baby. I ran into Cecily and Dresden who asked how I liked the conference. At first I played off my feelings, murmuring something about it being OK Then as the tears started, I honestly shared that I was never, ever, ever going back and that I had a sucky time. They gently admonished me for not letting them know how I was feeling and we boarded the buses and headed to our respective seats. The ride home was quiet, no stories about blogging, what we learned or the like. Never had I been so happy to see Philly and 30th Street Station.
However time played a trick on me and as I can revisit the conference through the comfort and distance of a few months I see that while attending BlogHer I approached it wrong. At the time I was so busy trying to pretend everything was OK, rush around getting the infamous swag that I did not even realize that I was missing out. The online people that I wanted to meet, I would say a quick hello and rush off to visit a sponsor. The Twitter folks I did connect with were fleeting as I would feel a shyness that was damn near paralyzing and rush away before I would have to reveal that, “Hey! I really didn’t know what the heck I was doing there!” But like I wrote, time has a way of making the feelings go away and a more logical Rachee can think about BlogHer and say that I missed out.
I missed out on spending time with Twitter pals @ButterflyConfessionsand @Jaime. Online we chat, share stories, support each other but at the conference I merely gave them a cursory greeting and rushed off. I regret not taking the time to chat more, find out what their “real life” really looked like.
There was Fadra who I nearly knocked over when I met her in person. At that point I was so starved for a familiar face that I may or may not have attacked her. Instead of yelling while at that McDonald’s party I regret not taking a few extra moments to talk about our respective kids and calling my sister so we could all “meet.”
I am still kicking myself for missing @winelibrarian and @bitchlibrarian. I love following them on Twitter and they don’t knmow how they have helped me kick up my style a notch. It would have been so cool to put bodies with the names that make me want to be a better dressed library chick.
Natasha from @Houseful of Nicholes. We are Facebook Friends, Twitter peeps and I only gave her a, “yo!” I would have loved to talk hair, the cellist, those fanfreakintastic bags she makes!
There are so many more that I should have taken time to meet and connect with. I did not and months later as I am still going through all of the swag that I greedily collected yet did nothing with I think about the experiences I missed and promise myself that next time, the next thing, the next event I will stop and say, “Hello!”
-r
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