In Sickness and Health

Please to note: your blogger will sound like a heartless bitch today.

So, in the last month the eldest four members of my family have been hospitalized. Seriously. At some point in the last 30 days, Mom, my aunt Charleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeene, my uncle, Marvo, Marvo! and Bubbe, my grandmother all have been admitted to a hospital for various ailments and observations. While I thank a higher power for them being out on the road to recovery, I can also say that I am SICK of sickness.

Thursday I got a call at work as I tried to level up in Mafia Wars prepared for storytime. It was Mom on the line calmly stating, “You won’t believe this! They’re admitting me and preparing me for emergency surgery!” After I regained the ability to think (obviously someone was pranking me although I was at a loss for why) I told my mom I would be right there. A flash of annoyance hit me as I thrust crap into my bag and tried to find my keys on my desk; my mom had been complaining of shoulder pain for over a week at this point but had yet to visit her doctor. She had gone to the local Emergency Department however as a person with a chronic health problem (aka kidney failure) she SHOULD be keeping her regular doctors in the loop. Mom felt that the advice from our local hospital was good enough yet the infection that developed in her shoulder indicated otherwise.

The drive to the hospital allowed me time to calm down. Upon arrival my mother declared herself sleepy (adrenaline from the news had worn off), demanded to know why I was there (’cause you called?), thanked me for coming (as if!) and asked where The Bee was (um, school?). I realize that she was worried and scared but once again annoyance flared inside of me. Just take care of yourself was my thought! But as I sat with my mom through some of her registration it hit me: as a relatively healthy woman who sees a doctor once a year for routine visits, I have the luxury of making the odd stand alone specialist appointment. For my mom, aunt and uncle, having renal failure or a new kidney means that at least once a week someone is sticking them, drawing labs, performing dialysis, evaluating their lives.

What a pain in the ass! While I waited in the short procedure unit (Presby, morale SUCKS and it shows!) I put myself in her shoes and was able to understand that no one wants to be sick, weak and unable to take care of themselves as they once were. It’s a matter of one’s body NOT doing what one wants and one desperately trying to retain some control over some sort of normal life. While we waited (and waited and waited) for transport, a rare moment as Mom spoke of her frustration that her grands always see her sick and sore.

She’s on the mend and I can empathize more when the mom that I knew is felled by the mom that is not well. Especially when I get a call that draws me out of bed for a bottle of water when she’s tethered to her machine.

Sigh!

Hospitals still make me sick.

-r

Where the bitchiness comes full circle: Of course, because it’s all about me, I felt guilty. I had been wishing for time off and I guess I’ve gotten my Monkey’s Paw.