*r’s note: cleaning up some of the older blog posts that had been left in edit limbo for some time. Please to enjoy!
Last week A few weeks ago I went to see Cop Out and to quote Blaine Edwards and Antoine Marryweather: “Hated it!” I really love bad movies (this is a woman who has repeatedly watched Pootie Tang and Hudson Hawk) but this movie was terrible! The premise two veteran cops (Bruce Willis and Tracey Morgan, aka Brotha Man from Martin) are suspended after they are responsible for blowing a case and causing a suspect to be killed, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah it sucked.
Anyhoodle, I thought about bad cop movies and I wanted to compile a list of them but really couldn’t think of more so here a few movies I have seen in the last few months because I know you wanna know! Using my very scientific** rating system I will share my movie thoughts from the last few weeks.
Really good: Would see in a theater, full price
Good: Would see in a theater, matinee with smuggled in snacks
Fair: Will wait until it comes to the library (cause I can rent for free for a week in Philly or a buck in Delco for three days)
Poor: Will wait until it comes to premium cable
Awful: Will wait until it comes to regular cable (aka TNT, USA, etc)
God awful: Will wait until it comes on network television and I am too lazy or impaired to find the remote to change the channel
1) Cop Out.
Besides the funniest bits being shown on television, (the thing about the kid asking if he is being harassed by the cops because he is Black and Brotha Man whining, No, because you’re ten! for one) the movie made no sense. Veteran cops making dumbass mistakes, a whole thing with Earl Hickey being a rich man and therefore a dick, and Brotha Man suspecting his wife of cheating [stolen directly from True Lies but hey!].
As much as I have complained about this movie I probably will watch it once it hits HBO and complain about it some more.
2) The Lightening Thief, Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
The Bee, Dill and I went to see Percy Jackson when it came out and while The Bee and Dill loved it, I was not so impressed. I do appreciate that the written word cannot be translated on screen I was a bit perturbed that Percy was aged from 12 to 17 and whined about his dyslexia throughout the movie, the AnnaBeth character was combined with the Clarisse character from the book and therefore became a big Amazonian know it all and that the only two characters of color, Brandon T Jackson’s Glover and Rosario Dawson’s Persephone were (surprise, surprise) sexualized and Persephone was akin to a predator. Really? Really! Rosario Dawson’s Persephone was all over Grover from the time he entered Hades with double entendres, clearly hitting on him and although married, it was insinuated that something happened between the two of them once all was right in the world. By comparison, the Percy and Annabeth characters enjoyed a sweet flirtation that ended with a sweet kiss at the end of the movie.
Rating: Fair because of the Grover/Persephone thing
Verdict: I will watch this movie again once it is available at work but I will make sure to read the books with The Bee.
3) Alice in Wonderland (in 3D)
Tim Burton’s dark imagining of a grown Alice, an Underland led astray and Johnny Depp as a ginger was too much for me. Without going into the plot (something about Tim Burton’s wife being a bitch and her sister, Mia Thermopolis, aka Anne Hathaway, being a wuss and Underworld needing Alice to slay the Jabberwocky) the movie was CGI, live action, loud and I want my money back!
When Disney Channel airs this during a three day weekend event (and anyone with kids KNOWS this will happen several times) I will catch it again. Perhaps I will enjoy it more without knowing that I spent he equivalent to a week’s worth of gas. Probably not
4) Clash of the Titans
Again 3D. The hero, Perseus looked like he was pissed that he was in the movie the entire time. A remake of the eighties movie, this modern version relied too much on CGI, assumed that people would be impressed with Liam Neeson as Zeus (I wasn’t although Ralph Fiennes as Hades made me want to take a walk on the dark side) and assumed that plot could be overlooked for action (it can’t).
Rating: Fair. Verdict: Yes, I complained but it’s mythology and I am a sucker for it! When it hits the desk at work I’m so borrowing it again!
5)Where the Wild Things Are
It had all the makings of a decent film: Catherine Keener, Spike Jones (loved Fatboy Slim’s Praise You!) and I love the book. However this movie will a chore to watch! This moody, tortured film was loosely about some bad ass kid making mischief. Not being one to spank my kid, even *I* think Max just needed to have his ass beat, screw not having dinner. Anywho, the Wild Things were these monsters who seemed to based on the pain in the asses that you encounter at work (of course not MY work) or Jury duty.
Rating: God Awful
Verdict: Once was truly enough.
Ironman due out this week. Still haven’t seen Kickass although I’ve heard good things about it and Toy Story 3 and Shrek 4 are on the horizon. I have been hitting the theaters more than I usually would and think that I am going to see the summer blockbusters, especially when the heat index is hella*** high. More later.
Stocking up at 5Below,
**It’s not really scientific.
***That’s the second time I used ‘hella’ today. Three more times and I own that word.