Violated

 r’s note: Please pardon the rambling nature of this post. Even though “Stream of Consciousness Sunday” doesn’t formally exist anymore I’ve decided to have at it. 

When The Bee and I moved three-ish years ago, I knew the area of Philly that we were moving to wasn’t the best but I never felt unsafe or worried about where we lived. We were moving back to the area that I grew up in, an area that had been plagued by drugs and it’s ensuing aftermath, a working class neighborhood that had seen it’s fair share of drama and lots shenanigans but a neighborhood that was seemingly getting better. Last night as we slept some jerk broke into my car and is making me rethink the security and safety I have felt.

I am considering myself lucky that all that was taken were boxes of girl scout cookies and the reusable tote bags that I always forget to take into the market but the feeling of being violated is so strong. I’m paranoid, worried that someone will be watching as I head home late from work. Angry that someone would steal from me and my daughter. Scared and worst of all I feel like a victim. I feel like it’s my fault for leaving stuff in my car  of course I feel like it’s all my fault. Why didn’t I take all of that crap out of the car? Why do I ride around with so much junk?

The neighborhood is like most of Philadelphia neighborhoods schizophrenic in its makeup. There are police patrolling on foot and in cars but the neighborhood is quiet. People tend to keep to themselves, with polite chatter as we head back and forth to our duties. When we lived in the neighborhood back in the late 80’s, it was like a ghetto wild, wild west, drug buys, shootings and muggings left and right. But over time the neighborhood seemed to have been getting better.

But after last night I am feeling like I just want to go but I resent feeling like I am being chased out of my home. I have never felt like I was being watched as I headed home odd hours but now I am feeling insecure and angry but stubborn and ready for a fight. The Dad happened to be there when we noticed my car window broken and he offered to install security cameras around the house, an offer I appreciate and gladly accept. Effin Guy has offered his place for The Bee and I but I hate the idea of being chased out of my home.

Cameras cannot replace the secure feeling that I have but it helps to know that if some jackass decides to go shopping in my car then I will see him or her and will be able to get them off of the street.

The other thing about this event? Every anti police thought that I have had? Fading. I still find that I feel a bit hesitant to give money to the ball but I have to applaud the Philadelphia Police for listening to my nervous chatter as I reported the crime. For doing their job, really and making me feel as if my time was worthy as I reported the crime. I don’t think they will be able to replace my items but I feel safe knowing that they know and that those patrols will keep on.

Part of me wonders if sharing this is ventures into TMI/ so what territory. Maybe but it helps me feel like I can face what happened and not feel ashamed.

That was my two cents, thanks for reading.