On Grace and Frankie and Breaking Up #streamteam

Last week I binge watched the Netflix original series, Grace and Frankie starring Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. If you aren’t in the know, Grace and Frankie explores two women starting over after learning that their husbands, law partners for years, are leaving the women to be with each other. The women are not friends, they merely tolerated each other for years because their husbands were partners and friends, yet Grace and Frankie find themselves gravitating towards one another as they begin this new part of their lives.

It was during this time, ironically enough, that Effin Guy and I ended our relationship of five-ish years.

Cue Alanis Morrisette. It’s like ray-ee-ane….

While Effin Guy has not left me for another person, the similar loss of relationship played out on the small screen seemed just what I needed on those first sleepless nights as I set my mind on autopilot and tried to grasp this change. I was comforted by Grace and Frankie’s dilemma…camaraderie and all that, ya dig? Here were women experiencing a similar life change and it was lovely to escape a bit watching their scripted drama unfold.

But, as I oft tell my children during story time, what goes up, must come down and real life made itself known and after three sleepless nights it was time for me to snap out of it:

The breakup was quite polite and efficient. A few words were said, a few belongings returned and we went on our way. Other than a rage text or two (rage text being my equivalent to drunk dialing) I called on the advice of my friend Janeane (allow yourself to cry for five minutes and then put on your big girl panties) and  this sage advice of one Kimmy Schmidt:

Image from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’s Facebook page

and allowed myself some time to mourn. I was then able to step back from the breakup and really examine how I feel.

Breaking up sucks. Not only is your relationship over, done, ended you lose so many other things. The security of being a part of a duo, the intimacy and comfortable relaxed feeling when you can just be. And my friend is gone. My friend, the person I shared thoughts and ideas, who’s shoulder I cried on, who made me feel like I was so special and deserving of a honest happy safe relationship is gone. However, while I mourn this loss, I can recognize just how different I am as a person. For unlike my breakup with The Dad, this time the end of a relationship is just that. It doesn’t make me a bad person, I am not feeling so low or depressed that I cannot function and I can separate that the end of us is not the end of me.

New Year’s Eve.

I wonder if I would feel differently if there were a clear “bad guy.” My normal reaction is to be angry, want to show him up or wish hateful crap on him and his life but not so much. It was just the end of a time and we both had different ideas of what was next for us. I take comfort in the fact that we found each other at a time when we needed it and sort of healed wounds that we carried from previous relationships.

It’s still a little raw, I’ve been able to sleep but damned if I am not up at “there’s a 5 am too?!” o’clock. No appetite combined with the need to stuff myself because I feel like there is a hole I have to fill is not fun but the wired feeling that zaps me when I find myself reaching for the phone, about to share the latest news burns that off.

Unlike my time with The Dad, there was none of the desire for ill wishes to happen to Effin Guy. It’s a process and I’m allowing myself proper time to mourn and work through my feelings. I don’t hate him…I don’t particularly like him at this moment but I love him and want good things for him and for me. So I’ll be taking some time to work on being a sole person and see what comes next.

More about Grace and Frankie

In Netflix‘s new funny and fearless original comedy featuring Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston, is a perfect example of how today’s families can shift, rearrange and blend in unexpected ways. When Grace and Frankie’s husbands leave them after 20 years of marriage—to be with each other—the women find themselves facing a change that they never expected, but they shift their perspective to get through it together with the support of their new blended family and, of course, a sense of humor

By the by….I am loving these recaps on The A.V. Club. Check it for yourself.

r’s note: I am a member of the Netflix Stream team. I have been provided a complimentary subscription to NetFlix to share information about upcoming programming. All opinions are my own.