I’m really missing my grandmother today.
All day long she’s been on my mind. I keep thinking about her Nellieisms or how every time she would ask me about work and learning (again) that I worked in a library she would say, “Oh yeah! You’re a readaholic!”
Today marks three months since she died. Between COVID, work, home and all the rest (gestures vaguely towards errthing), I don’t know that I’ve grieved. I mean, I’ve been sad and but her passing was also a bit of a relief.
That reads cold but *my* grandmother was vibrant and feisty. Grandma in the weeks before she died was quiet and seemed to shrink. Maybe I’m a selfish bit but it was rough hard seeing her that way, stuck in bed, unable to do for herself. Grandma was Independent, driving and working well into her 70s but sickness and her failing health took away that life for her.
One of the memories that keeps popping up is her love of sweets. Grandma loved keeping a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses on top of the Tv. We had one of those floor model deals that doubled as a table top, counter top, and there was always a bowl of Kisses on the top. Grandma liked for the kisses to her a little meaty and she would always pop two or three in her mouth, encouraging me to do so because, “it’s soooo good!”
We would sneak Kisses after my mom would yell that dinner was almost ready or that we’d had enough. She would slide me a few Kisses on the sly as we headed out the door to home whispering that those Kisses were just for me.
Today I grabbed a few kisses from a snack box and I was hit with a bunch of feelings. These days there lots of bitter but today, chewing on those Kisses, felt like a bright spot and a message that it’s going to be ok but even if it’s not, there is some time for a bit of sweet.