One of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons came on the other day (Bart the Lover).
-Yes, I know the title.
One arc of the episode finds Homer attempting to build a dog house and, being Homer, screws up at every turn. With each screw up he cusses up a storm and the Flanders kids hear him.
When one is asked by his mother if he wants veggies, this exchange takes place:
Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don’t want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No bible stories for you tonight.
(Todd runs to his room crying)
Maude: Weren’t you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me
So funny for so many reasons but this little episode reminded me of my potty mouth and my daughter. She is not telling me “hell no” but at the rate I’m going I’m sure a “Damn” or “Hell” can’t be far behind! So, for my birthday, I have given myself the gift of a potty free mouth.
I have decided to give up cursing, swearing, cussin’, foul language whatever.
I have not gone cold turkey; earlier today I had a few choice words to share with a fellow motorist. Not that she heard or that it made any difference in the scheme of things but I really feel in order to grow I should stop cussin’.
My decision to keep it PG has nothing to do with age nor did anyone ask me to do it but I am really wondering what kind of image do I portray ‘effin’ this or ‘ dumb-a’ that.
This means that there will be no more muted mutterings of j*ck*ss(my favorite), a*smunch (second favorite) or d*ckh*ad (so satisfying how it rolls off the tongue). I had to make up some new words while I make the transition:
Jerk (not as much fun but the “ck” sound is comforting)
What the Ham Fat (again, not satisfying but really funny!)
Someone once told me that swearing is the lowest way to express yourself. Maybe it is but there is something so satisfying about a hissed swear word that describes every indescribable emotion.
So Goodbye, farewell and all that to cussin’, cursing and all that jazz.
Addendum added: 10/16
Not cussin’, cursing and swearing is not working.
The swear jar is on hiatus dammit!