Today was the 12 month assessment for the study I am in and I was not looking forward to this visit. I saw the signs…my jeans were just a little more snug than they had been a few weeks ago. That va va voomy dress was more than a little more curve hugging and selfies became an exercise in angles instead of capturing the moment.
The final sign was the inspiration clothes I had hanging in my room looking more at home in The Bee’s closet instead of in my room. That medium shirt made me look more like Homer Simpson and the cool leggings I got for running, the ones with the Pacman chasing ghosts around…how do you say sausage casing?
When I stepped on the scale the thinks I was thinking was totes confirmed and the scale did not lie. I have gained eight pounds, a third of what I’ve lost.
I could blame the holidays. I have been steadily snacking on sale candy like it was my job since Valentine’s Day. What is it about candy that is half off that makes it so delicious?
I could blame my social life. Eating is social and I’ve been plenty social lately.
But really, it’s complacency. I did the initial work to lose weight, even spreading my success like it was gospel, and then started falling off.
The excuses were easily rationalized…it didn’t matter if I had that extra slice of cake at work for someone’s birthday; I ran that morning! I only had three cookies and the serving size is four so yes, I could have one more. Dinner was healthy and full of veggies so why not treat myself to other heaping helping? And on and on and on! But the scale does not lie and wearing workout clothes is not quite the same as working out and those healthy habits soon became replaced by old attitudes.
While I don’t like the number on the scale, this weight gain does not devastate me. In the past I’ve danced the dance of lose weight, gain it back, repeat and during that time I have felt quite hopeless about my situation. Not going outside, not doing anything to change the situation and generally behaving as if my weight loss was some act that I was removed from and not actively involved in. This time, with the proof that I CAN lose weight, I feel tat while I may want to do the work, I have the tools and the proof so I can eat cleaner and track my food.
With one day left in the month (as of me writing this post) I won’t be able to reach all of my goals for March and that’s cool. I have dusted off my notes from my weekly groups meetings and have vowed to restart my journey to a healthy lifestyle. I’m worth it and The Bee don’t know nothing about Pacman…so these leggings are all mine!
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