The Nitpicker’s Guide to twisting your hair…

Say it Rah-shay By Nov 11, 2008 1 Comment

…or Hair Don’ts

Fig 1: Me with hair started:

Fig 2: Me NOT doing my hair:

I am super tired today.

Last night I decided to wash my hair; normally no big deal but lately it seems to take forever to twist it up.

OK, I took forever to twist it. There were so many other things that needed to get done such as…everything else.

How (not) to twist your hair, by me
Part one:
Look at hair hanging at side of face and realize that hair does not look fantastic. Tell self that indeed hair is grungy, it does smell a bit funky and that new growth in front is not “edgy”.
Call sister. Have extensive chat about how bad hair looks.
Remember: Fuzzy does not equal attractive.
Part two:
Plan to wash hair
Pick a time to wash hair. It cannot be:
during favorite show
the middle of the good part of a book
the start of a new yarn thing
(please to note, when procrastinating EVERYTHING is a favorite, the good part of the thing and the best time to start a new anything!)
Gather supplies. Shampoo, conditioner, hair goo of choice plus a good movie or three*, diet Pepsi, towel.
Call sister again. Ask what the cats are doing. Make Fat Mittens joke.
Part three:
Plan into action
Wash hair after cleaning up kitchen** and washing a load of clothes
Twist right side of hair.
Call sister again. Continue conversation from earlier about kids, yarn, plans for the weekend, plans from previous weekend, anything!
Start movie. Realize that you are not really *into* movie so get second pick.
Change t-shirt. The dripping wet hair hanging down neck and back is such a distraction!
Twist a few locs.
Jump up to get rubber bands. The dripping wet hair is now in eyes.
Twist the front.
Sip some Pepsi and realize that chips are needed. Decide to be good and eat pretzels and then inhale a bowl of ice cream.
Run to get sweatshirt because the bowl (or two) of ice cream, in addition to wet hair, has chilled you ever so much more.
Call sister yet again.
Text various friends.
Twist left side.
Change movie. Oh! Remember that you have a movie borrowed from library. Find movie borrowed from library. Realize that there are two books that you have not read and consider those for a few minutes.
Twist top of head.
Sip more Pepsi.
Yawn. A lot.
Twist back of head.
Fall asleep for a few minutes or hours.
Startle awake, finish twisting head.
Check hair in mirror and make vows.
Vow never to let hair get so funky and foul.
Vow to time self on next go-round to see if you can get hair done in one movie or less.
Vow to get professional to do hair. Change mind and talk self into doing it yourself.
Check hair again, fix stray locs.
Text sister back.
Go to bed.
*TV shows can substitute if only a marathon of say Top Model or other VH1 trash is available
** or some other room in house that is not your favorite

I am mom, daughter, sister, yarn lover, word lover, crazy cat lady and library chick. Find me with book or with hook and a hot cuppa.

1 Comment

  1. mrsrkfj says:

    WTH? You need something to do.

Your turn! Tell it to Rah-shay!