The Illusion of More

Look Better Naked By May 19, 2015 13 Comments

Last week I was to meet a friend for lunch after attending an event in Philly. The event provided lunch, which I partook in and then I had some free time before I met up with her. My norm would have been to eat at the event and to eat again once we met up. Instead of eating two meals in the span of two hours, I opted for coffee (a large that I didn’t finish which inspired this post) and didn’t feel like I was missing out. I was able to chat it up with her, watch her eat and not feel as if I should be eating too. 

Who is this person?

At the time of this blog post, I have been in my weight loss study for about five weeks. In this time I have lost seven pounds (Hooray!) gained back three (boo!) and have been slowly rethinking and reworking my relationship with food; the way I view food, exercise and my body.

Image from Purple Clover

Image from Purple Clover

Questions I have been exploring:

  • Am I actually hungry?
    This is a tough one; I have sort of conditioned myself to be eating at certain times of the day and when I am doing certain activities. I have been slowly relearning cues from my body. Such as when I have JUST finished dinner and feel like I still want a little something, I drink water. This week I have been drinking lots of water, so much that I should have the clearest skin in the Delaware Valley!
  • Am I tired?
    When I am honest with myself, some of my insomnia has been fueled in part by me not sticking to my bedtime routine. I find myself up at night for one more row, one more episode, one more page. I’m yawning, tears running down my face and instead of shutting it down, I will force myself to stay up and the next thing you know, it’s 2 am, I am wired and I can’t sleep.
  • How much do I really want?
    In an effort to be economical, I have found that I will order the larger sizes because…what? As I am learning to really use what I take, I find that I don’t always need to go for the large, a medium or even, -gasp!- small will do. It’s scary, believe it or not. I have fear of missing out, like I am going to get a small size and run out and then want more but not be able to get more. So far, I have managed NOT to starve (ba dum, bum!) and I am actually learning to be satisfied with smaller portions.

Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle. It feels unfair and wrong that I have to count calories and watch and monitor what I eat. I shouldn’t have to choose between the cookie and the pie; I want both! Sloooooooowly I have been changing my thinking from what I can’t have to and feeling cheated to what I can have and savoring the experience. It’s still something that I consciously do and it’s a pain in the neck but I do it.

Today when I head to group I think I will have not lost or gained weight but stayed where I am. I have not weighed myself this week . Having a humdinger of a week, I found comfort in my old behavior and mindlessly stuffed myself whenever I was feeling feelings. I did recognize what I was doing and was able to stop myself before eating all the things. I know that it will get easier and I am working the plan that I’ve been given but it’s so hard! The rewards are slow but feel so fantastic when they come.

I need your help. What do you do when you are feeling like you are ready to give up on your goal?

Image from Purple Clover

Image from Purple Clover

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Here’s to less of me!


I am mom, daughter, sister, yarn lover, word lover, crazy cat lady and library chick. Find me with book or with hook and a hot cuppa.


  1. I enjoyed reading this post and identified with so much of it! As I get older, I find I must pay more attention to what I eat and when I eat it.

  2. Boy, that meme up top really sums it up for me. My weight is just stalled and will not budge! I think I need to look at the bigger picture beyond food (like sleep and stress!)

  3. Earl says:

    I get more than enough sleep but I just love to eat, by walking to the library more it’s definitely helping keep the calories at bay! Nevertheless I’m thankful for losing a pound and a half this week and like you I’m really trying to work with small portions, I say this as I’m eating a slice of XXL pizza but it’s the thought that counts right?

    1. Rachee says:

      And now I want pizza!

  4. hahaha, those memes are so true. I can so relate to wanting to lose 10 pounds and hving 13 to go! weight loss isn’t hard.

    1. Rachee says:

      I was so excited to have lost TWO pounds this week! Hope I can keep up the momentum.

  5. becca112971 says:

    Ii can relate as I’ve gotten older i’ve put on some weight and realize I need to reevaluate what I put into my body.

    1. Rachee says:

      YES! Those late night binges are no longer my friend!

  6. candielm says:

    I have always been super thin and when I hit menopause it just started coming. It is a struggle. I exercise and barely eat and nothing. I guess its my metabolism, which I am working on now.

    1. Rachee says:

      I always struggled with weight but in retrospect I wasn’t always fat. I just thought I was. I want to get back to the place where working out is more fun than chore.

  7. Rosey says:

    If I think I’m eating because I”m bored, I have to deliberately decide if I”m really hungry too. If I suspect not, I drink water and that always helps. 🙂

  8. Such a relatable post. Mindful eating is so beneficial for helping to change your approach to food. Good luck with your journey. It’s not always easy at first, but you can do it!

Your turn! Tell it to Rah-shay!