Quit monkeying around

So.

As one of two (no, I’m not part of the Borg Continuum; there is only one other Black person at my job) I am often asked to be the defacto VOICE OF THE BLACK WOMAN. I get asked all sorts of crap ranging from what that slang word/term meant (why the hell would I know?), who some rap artist is (…) and why Blacks have their own month.

Um, have you read the newspaper today?

The New York Post shared this ‘satirical cartoon’ from racist artist Sean Delonas. Delonas was making a funny directed at the news of a 200 pound pet chimp that mauled and killed his owner *(yeah, I hadn’t heard that news story either) but for some reason he chose to include a remark about the stimulus being signed.

I am all for Free Speech and the First Amendment but come on!

The Post’s editor, Col Allan, was quoted as saying

The cartoon is a clear parody of a current news event, to wit the shooting of a violent chimpanzee in Connecticut. It broadly mocks Washington’s efforts to revive the economy.

Whatever.

For anyone who has ever had “Nigger” hissed at them as they crossed the street, followed around through a department store, been referred to as ‘that little colored gal’ or asked about ‘you people’, this is not funny or art. This is demeaning, demoralizing and cruel.

It has been suggested that Obama only signed the stimulus bill and that the house and senate wrote it therefore the chimp represents the house and senate. One site even tells (Black) people that we shouldn’t be offended; this is a joke and that the dead chimp is Nancy Pelosi. There is even some pretentious Shakespeare reference floating about, something about the senate being equivalent with monkeys writing plays.

Please!

Who in Washington is the face of the Stimulus Bill?

Just as I thought.

I am going to stop here with the politico speak. I freely admit that I am not well versed about the nuances of politics to make a well informed opinion.** I am educated, however, that as a Black woman, all of my accomplishments, all of my victories, all of the positive things that I have done can be dismissed with a ‘joke’.

So I will stop the politico talk and will delve into a little something that I do know. As the defacto VOICE OF THE BLACK WOMAN (ha!) let me clue you in on a few things:

1) I don’t know why…

a. …”all” Blacks wear hats. I wear a hat because I either made it, am having a bad hair day or because it’s cold (possibly all three)

b. …black churches are the way they are. We are not all religious types, especially me, so don’t ask me.

c. …those kids are acting the way they are. No, I do not have a special bond with them. They are bothering me too. They quiet down when I yell and threaten ask them to because they know that I don’t play.

d. …they don’t want your help. Probably because they know you are full of @&@&! and will eventually come and ask me to do it.

e. …Aretha Franklin wore that hat. No, I didn’t/don’t like it. It is not cool or funky. I don’t know where you can get it and I too think you would look like a smacked ass if you wore one like it.

2) We don’t need your help dating. My (lack of a) social life is MY BUSINESS so please kindly keep it work related. Just because HE is Black and seems nice does not mean we are going to hit it off.
News Flash: Men of all races can be good guys and they can be a trip too.

3) Us peoples don’t need to be helped (Lawdy!). Our poor lil colored chillun need to be talked to like they have some sense and they need some consequences. No they don’t need a second (third, fourth or fifth chance). They did wrong now it’s time to face the music. Also, undue praise is not needed either. We don’t need your condescending bull. Talk to us like the people we are.

4) We don’t want you touching our hair because your hands may not be clean (books and public computers are filthy). We take a lot of time with our appearance and we are not on display. And no, I don’t now how you can get your hair like mine.

5) You don’t get points for having Black friends, having dated a Black man/woman or living near someone Black.

6) Black jokes are not funny even if you say, “You know I’m playing?” because I don’t know you like that.

7) “You people” is offensive. Keep it out of your mouth and away from my ears.

8) One does not speak for all. The Black kid screaming/cutting up/telling you off/acting a fool or any other negative behavior does not represent the rest of us. Does the white dude/chick reeking of pot and booze, lying about printouts and bitching about computers represent YOU?

9)
a. Don’t act so surprised when you find out that my kid is smart and can string two sentences together. Her education is just as important as your kid’s.
b. Don’tact so surprised when you find out that I too can string two sentences together. I may not have the letters behind my name and can be silly but I am by no means a fool.

10) Stop trying to be hip. You do sound like an idiot with”Hook a brother up” or “don’t play me” and “keepin’ it real”. It’s 2009. At least use this year’s slang.

Don’t play ME.
As*wipe***

Knowing the revolution will not be televised but rather blogged,
-r

*Yet one more reason to dislike monkeys and their kind. Blech!
** I do know enough about my local pols to not be (as) foolish
***This was so worth the quarter if the swear jar