When I write my blog I tend to keep things all rainbows and kittens. Even the heavier subjects are approached with a bit of humor, lightened up and presented in a way that attempts to be serious yet casual. Lately I find myself feeling totally and hopelessly overwhelmed and ready to just discard it all.
The signs are there: barely making it home before I pass out on the couch…’resting my eyes’ as The Bee is telling me a story only to have her sharply shake me and glare because I missed the end of it…things that were not a worry last week causing me to grit my teeth and snap at the (sorta) innocent children who are frequent flyers in my life. Oh yes, the writing is on the wall in ten foot neon letters: I am well on my way to losing it, it being me.
My job is very draining and stressful but I love what I do. With a combination of summer, a new director, and new (self imposed) goals I feel that I am quickly, quickly, quickly getting to a point where I just want to shut down, run and hide. The demands of being ‘on’ have leaked home. My couch has a nice butt groove from where I sit and lay staring at reruns, my hooks are abandoned and my house is a wreck (calling Hoarders!).
This is affecting all areas of my life. I am so drained that I am at a point where I almost just don’t care. I can’t fake it, I don’t want to and I am scared that I am way too comfortable feeling OK with it. Something needs to be done!
And tonight, I was forced out of my head, I slapped on a grin, acted like a loon and:
|Thank you Cecily K for taking this picture!
Eight pairs of small eyes forced me to stop the self loathing that I am prone to indulge in, to stop the sinking feeling that I had. For thirty minutes I jumped, danced, sang and shared some of my favorite books and I’m feeling so much better. I smile, I feel like I can see the light, I can breathe and I am instantly in love with work, renewed, recharged and ready to go again.
I can’t wait to go home, share in The Bee’s day and let her beat me in a game or two of Uno.