My friend Cecily recently wrote a post about just how awful her skills as a mother are. Personally I think she’s way too hard on herself and is just being a person who is also a mom who sometimes needs her space. I mean, if you want to talk awful mothers, holla at your girl. Lately I have been feeling like THE ABSOLUTE BADDEST (and that’s bad meaning bad, not bad meaning good) mother in the world and there is no convincing me otherwise.
As I began to type I thought about how I would phrase my awful mommyness when it occurred to me that I am NOT THE ABSOLUTE BADDEST (and that’s bad meaning bad, not bad meaning good) mother in the world. Like everyone else I have my issues but by no means am I going to beat myself up over my ills and wrongs.
Ways in which I know I am am not an awful mother:
1. Each night The Bee and I read a few pages to chapter from whatever book she’d like.
A tradition I began when we moved thinking that we wouldn’t have cable. We do have cable yet I still read with her nightly. Part to spend time with her, part to share what I do each and every day with scores of other kids and partly because how else can I keep up to date with what she is reading?
2. I let The Bee know that I make mistakes, I apologize for those mistakes and (learning to) move on.
I am human and not infallible. Yup. I make mistakes and am not ashamed to admit it. There are times that I think that I am doing what’s best and cannot be convinced otherwise. Hindsight will let me know that I may not have made the best decision and then I will have to rethink my approach. Before I would have whined and moaned, kicked and screamed and beat myself up. Now I can tell myself that I need a do over and move on.
3. I allow her space instead of overwhelming her
Lately The Bee has been testing the limits. When she comes from her dads or if she knows that I’ve spent time with Effin Guy she is really a handful! Attitude, sass and just general getting on my nerveness. I call this the “Do you still love me?” time. I do love her, may not like what she’s doing but I’ve accepted that with the changes going on in her life the closest thing to normal our relationship, is something that she needs to be secure about. As I woosah, ignore her, speak to her and let her be, I realize that she is going to work through the feelings and will be better for it.
4. The Bee talks to me
Sometimes it’s overwhelming but she tells me everything. I mean EVERYTHING. There are days that the constant stream of thought from her can be totally overwhelming. Sometimes it can be annoying. yes, annoying. I am happy that she has a little brother but golly knows I don’t have to be happy about hearing EVERYTHING that he is doing! Sometimes I’ll ask for a Mommy time out and gently switch the subject. Sometimes I steer the conversation to another topic all together. Either way she still shares with me her thoughts, feelings and ideas.
5. She is a good person
Despite me bitching about The Bee being a tween, she is a pretty good kid. I like the person she is shaping up to be and I am proud to be called Mom. She is considerate, kind and thoughtful. She’s a nice girl and 89% of the time is a joy to be around.
6. I enjoy being a mom
Really, I do. There was once upon a time that I felt shackled by the term. Mom? Not I! Mom just felt like a chore, work and I wanted no part of it. Now I relish my mommy time. I enjoy that we can spend time together and that I can appreciate our time apart. Being a mom is not all that I am although it is a huge part of who I am. I can live graciously as a mom, as someone’s mom and as me.
There are probably more but I am going to stop there. I need to grab some books for us to read.
Enjoy your kids and stop beating yourself up people!