Tyra and co are back, up to shenanigans with the makeover episode. This is pretty early for ANTM; they usually wait until week two or three to start futzing with the contestants.
The episode begins with Allison, aka Super Eyes, happy about being called first.
Aminat calls Sandra out about her attitude and Sandra, the bee-yotch is defending herself. Sandra, your attitude? Uh, it stinks.
The girls get something about turning heads and the girls think its about the ugly car that they are rolling down the street in. Cut to the Jays accepting a “mission” from Inspector Tyra (Tyra, please stop with the nonsense. Even The Bee thinks this is gratuitous and silly.) It’s time for the makeovers. The girls screech as they learn that someone named John Barrett is doing their makeovers. The girl who looks like the short chick from the Dixie Chicks (whew, say that fast three times) makes a comment about appointment time.
The girls have all watched the show and are doing their best to pretend that they are excited about the new looks. With each makeover Tyra dressed as Inspector Gadget gives an explanation for each makeover. Don’t do this anymore!
Sandra’s hair is cut short and blonde. Que?
Allison is giving long blonde hair, mermaid hair. She looks like a Barbie.
Neja gets a long weave. Christian Marc makes a crack about her hair since she hasn’t washed it in two weeks. I am not mad at her. When it’s time to wash my hair I dawdle and dally as much as one woman can and next thing I know a week has passed. Yes, I can be triflin’.
Fo, who was called cute in casting, has gotten all of her hair cut off. She is pissed but really looks nice. She obviously has not watched the show. Tyra and co will take a pair of scissors to hair faster than I can go through a bowl of ice cream.
Celia, aka Dixie Chick, is getting her hair cut off too. She looks like this chick Michelle from a few cycles ago. I am not digging the cut, but hey, I am by no means a fashion type.
Aminat’s weave (that was a weave?!?) is cut off to give her Naomi Campbell type hair.
Kortnie is made a red head to off set the orange skin she sports from tanning. Yuck to the skin, her hair looks great.
London’s hair is cut short and she’s made into a blonde. She is very positive about her makeover. She has watched the show and knows that its all about faking it til you like it.
Nothing is done to Natalie. She is fine the way she is but given a lecture about trusting the people you work with. Yeah, I’m really going to take advice from a man with purple hair? (I’m talking ’bout YOU Mr. Jay!) Mr. Jay also says the most priceless line: We are not doing this for shock value. What.e.ver!
Of course Fo is somewhere bitching. Shut it.
Teyona gets slicked back Jheri Curl waves. …
Tahlia gets a lion’s mane blonde hair thing. WTF Ty?
Fo is bitching again about her hair and SANDRA is the voice of reason wondering how she thinks she is going to cut it as a model.
Stop making me want to like Sandra.
The girls then have to do a challenge and is that Sutan? Yay! I love Sutan. He is introducuing some kind of Covergirl Challenge. Blah, blah, blah. The girls have to do something with makeup from Walmart. Sutan and the Covergirl chick must get a bonus each time they say Walmart cuz er rum, dang they said it like 1800 times*
The team with Sandra, Aminat and Dixie Chick win.
They get some kind of photo spread.
The girls go to dinner and Sandra makes me dislike her again with some unnecessary remark about not getting drunk. Aminat told her there is a difference between cute and dumbassness. Ha!
Commercials. I really like that iPhone.
The girls have a photo shoot in which they have to light and direct themselves in front of judge Nigel “He is so hot” Barker. How unfair is this? Unless there are some behind the scenes things that ANTM is not showing these girls are being set up to fail! Run! It’s a set up!
Again, do they like these girls? The makeup was hideous, the clothes looked blah and the whole concept of the shoot was ridiculous.
Tyra: I am calling Shenanigans!
The girls never quite got IT. IT was never explained because I never got IT either. Mr. Jay (Purple People Eater) waxes angrily about the girls not getting it. Two weeks. These girls have been here two weeks and are being judged so harshly. Are they getting some kind of training off camera? It’s like me sending The Bee to Middle School and telling her to go for it.
Time to meet with the judges.
Of course we get a Post Mortem about what they think they did wrong and guess who is whining about her hair?
Commercials. Damn! What is Heidi Klum doing? She has three kids and looks great. Where are my sneaks? And forty bucks for a Victoria Secret bra?
Show is back on and what is Tyra talking about? The rules to owning inner fierce? Cut the dosage!
What is up with Ms. Jay’s hair? He looks like Mo from the Three Stooges. Watch your eyes girls!
Oooh! Nole is on the panel tonight. He should come back for good.
Fo is up first. Tyra calls her out for not liking her makeover. The panel jumps all over her for crying. Models don’t get to choose how they look boo!
Kortnie is next. Paulina rips her photo, but in a nice way. Paulina is like some women I have worked with who are nice nasty: they will tear you a new one but make it seem like it was YOUR idea.
Nija is next. They all crack on her shirt. Yeah, that thing is ugly. Here comes Tyra with that smile with your eyes bull.
London is complimented on her energy. Yeah but where is her neck?
Allison is quirky and broken down. Whta is she wearing?
Sandra has no tension. Tyra gives a whack demonstration in which she says something like Pow and wiggles her head.
Dixie Chick is next. Nigel is loving her.
Jessica is next and is doing Telemundo.
Tahlia does not have tension either. Another Tyra demo.
Natalie is next. Nole busts on her.
Teyona and her ugly weave is next. Good call Tyra saying that you will change it.
Aminat is next doing the ghetto pose. She does look like she should be saying “Hey Gurl!”
Nole is being such a bitch I may start watching his new show.
Commercial. Where is this chick getting her Dunkin’? The place near me burns the coffee.
Tyra is not liking Fo’s reaction to the makeover but it’s Jessica being sent home.
All in all the pictures are lackluster.
Do they give these girls any directions or education off camera?
Why is Nole not on every week?
Why was Paulina so quiet tonight
How was Teyona the best pic this week?
Where did Sandra get this shoes?
Why is Allison dressed like she stopped by after school?
Why did she give all of the Black chicks (except Sandra) long weaves?
Oh well. Next week is coming.
Smiling with my eyes,