A few weeks ago my friend Wanda and I were out at a thing and got to talking about our lives. After a few shallow words I admitted to her that I have been feeling stuck and grumpy and indeed was I becoming a bitter idea of myself.
“Girl!” she responded, “You are going through something and sometimes you have to just go through it.”
Uh-huh. ‘Cause see, the way my thoughts are set up, I am supposed to get over things and just let it be. I have a good life, a good job, a family who loves me (while driving me crazy) and so on and so forth but the reality is that the Rachee walking around is the person formerly known as Rachee. So I’ve been trying to run from this bitter person, pretending that it’s all good, but it doesn’t hide for long. Snapping at co-workers, the “nice-nasty” passive remarks, being absent from life. Feeling so stuck that it becomes hard to breathe and see and be.
Letting “it be” was not working and so it was time to fix it. But it wasn’t. I’m OK and not OK and that is OK. Instead of trying to “fix” this I have been letting it ride. Saying no to things that stress me out, taking a break from people who are nor friends, doing what needs to be done so that breathing was not something I had to remember how to do.
Today is a good day, heading out into the not so awful weather to do things and make some sweet memories with people I love. I’m not 100% where I want to be but y’all gonna get the Rachee you get and that’s OK.