Fall is usually my jawn.
It’s always felt like a new beginning what with the school year starting and the change in weather. A new school year is now the start of a new block of programs at the library and this is usually cause for some excitement but I am still waiting for that click. There is the change of seasons and cooler weather is coming which means fire pits and sweater weather and boots (BOOTS!). However, instead of celebrating the new season I have found myself growling and grumpy, stumbling through my day with my sights on *my* spot on the couch and my hand clutching the remote to lose myself in my favorite sit-com or a repeat Law & Order episode.
I know some (most) of this feeling is from the disappointment I have because a thing I was waiting to happen has not happened and I am on the pins and needles while I wait and hope (yes, vague booking at its best!). I know that I am feeling stuck with some other things that I am ignoring but these aside, I should be on top of the world! The Bee is doing fantastic as a college freshman, I’m in a play and having a wonderful time, my family has been relatively healthy, we have kittens!! This is all good stuff, fantastic stuff, awesome stuff yet I keep getting the feeling that instead of everything being awesome, everything is Meh.
I was just going to ride it out this latest wave of the blahs because these spells comes and go but when the spell wasn’t going and I had whined and churned over all of the what ifs to everyone who would listen, I realized that I needed to act. Going through my e-mail, I remembered an interview I heard on WHYY between reporter Maiken Scott and psychologist Dan Gottlieb on the best way to work through this episode was not to retreat to my couch, alone.
Maiken and Dr. Dan suggests that setting social goals instead of personal goals is the way to snap out of a funk so I have been considering what would social thing could help guide me towards the path to happiness and after some thought, work was the thing that makes me feel the most weighed down and the thing I could control a bit.
This is going to be a tad tricky. My job is so social that sometimes I just want to sit alone and not have to people (yes, I used people as a verb). And even though The Librarian and I have been living together for more than two years, there are times I miss living alone. Yes, The Bee was around at our old house but she also spent time with The Dad so there were moments when I was alone and sometimes I miss it. But, after having a chat with a friend who broke it down and said that jobs are such a big part of your day, week, life that there should be some sense of satisfaction about your work, that I need to figure out how to balance the social aspects with my need for solitude.
I am feeling a tad more hopeful than I have felt for a while. Maybe that mojo will return? Maybe the heavy feeling will lighten and the rut in which I’m stuck will end?
The segment follows if you’d like a listen.